SQUARERICIRCLECO.

Meeting LOVE on a Saturday…
One fine Saturday afternoon, when I could not pick up the pieces of my mind that scattered after trying to resolve how should I spend my weekend; just right next to finishing the laundry thing without anything for breakfast and lunch except a sip of chocolate drink prior the chore, I found myself browsing over the compact disc racks. There were about only 63 of them and so it was not that laborious to determine what would I try to put on the disc changer or drive, whatever you call it. Not to mention that some of them were barely audio compact discs. Others were video compact discs, which happened to be apposite just for children and nursery goers.
At the bottom of the cd file I found one that could at least fit the level of intelligence and understanding of a young adult but not exactly every single viewer’s taste. Perhaps, not only renegades of the Magdalo group will be keen on watching it but also the classmates of theirs, who had once tried to convince them to surrender during the coupd’etat attempt or mutiny more or less a year and a half now. (Good thing was that unbloody it was. Whew!) I would not even get surprised if the likes of ex-President Ramos, National Defense Secretary Angelo Reyes and Senator Gringo Honasan had been able to see the movie for themselves in big screen. But Senator Sotto, who looked and pretended like he had contributed to the diplomatic and nonviolent negotiation for the easily lifted hullabaloo, might not even care to appreciate the movie’s title. And I will not be flabbergasted if he happens to exactly do that.
The title, which is horizontally written on the upper center part of the cd case, reads FULL METAL JACKET. I had already a chance to watch it last summer vacation but not because I found my liking for that category of film. It is just that self-ennui has reached to a certain extent where circumstance of getting jaded has conquered my consciousness. Besides, I hate military thing or anything that has something to do with the concept. There is no sense of worship of military design engraved upon my heart and spirit even if our late grandfather was once a World War II guerilla combatant. But in fairness, the movie can at least bear the merit of becoming a Grammy award nominee for the best concept of the film.
Of course military training, drills and discipline are the usual points of portrayal in such film except the dramatic scenario of easy and less painful self-annihilation, which happens in every corner of this poor country; committed by any different individuals; the young and old, the rich and poor, the successful and desperate, the fine-looking and unsightly. Suicide. That point I think makes that film appear interesting to my particularized prejudice. The biggest man among the comrades committed suicide due to some psychological disparities. His heart is not designed for such environment. It is not his natural world that should govern his spirit and mind. He has entered his own created world where killing oneself is the only way to unlock the dark enigma of his fate he has inadvertently chosen. As I said because of that part it was attention-grabbing but to narrate the whole story is another thing.
Without other preferences left to pick and choose from, I have taken a crack at finally selecting from three available kiddy films; Hercules, The Little Mermaid and Ants. (They are all my pinsan-inaanak’s favorites). As I was trying to single out the less boring one from those three for-kids-only movies, I ended up with Hercules. The very thought that it might offer some ideas that could support what I barely know about the story pushed me to allot just about 87 minutes in watching devoid of putting off my eyes from the television screen. In one way or another, it tells something about the myth of masculinity, which makes it precisely different from the other two.
As almost every kid knows, HERCULES tells about the story of a Zeus-Son god who by imbibing the devil’s potion lost his immortality as god and thus became human. But since he did not drink the last drop of the potion formulated by Hades, the god of the underworld, his supernatural strength remained with him. Being a god-turned-man, he cannot stay at Olympus for only gods and goddesses can have the sole prerogative to inhabit on it. Hercules trying to live as an ordinary human being suffers from others’ criticism due to his extraordinary strength for which people think he is a freak. For that reason he keeps on searching for his genuine identity and eventually reaches the temple of Zeus for that end. Now, knowing that he was once a god and son of the king of gods and goddesses, he finds his way to retrieve his immortality enjoyed only by gods. In other words, he aims at becoming a god again; wanting to gain back the “god-ness” he fails to experience.
Hercules’ super strength is sufficient to defeat the villain Hades but the same is not adequate to regain his being a god. He becomes the folks’ hero who protects and guards the people from monsters and underworld’s evil attacks. That too is not good enough to salvage his true identity. It is for the very reason that recuperating his immortality as a god does not depend on his physical strength but rather on the strength of his heart. It was only by way of haggling his own life for the very soul of Meg his beloved that made it possible for him to become a god again. But since “life without Meg is empty” Hercules decided to leave behind at Olympus his diadem of being a god. Indeed, it was through the “strength of heart” that he won over the evil forces. It was through the same that he gained back his identity as god and was even able to renounce the very thing he ever wished for. His “heart” makes him a real hero; a real god.
Above are two different stories that also squeeze out two different endings. Sad and agonizing is the former while ecstatic and jovial is the latter. Understandably, kiddy films always depict happy endings while adult films do not follow that same line of thought. Films germane to individuals who can think of and question things about things can welcome both happy and sad story conclusions. On the other hand, kids can appreciate only movies with favorable endings. Psychology can further explain that matter I guess.
When I was still a kid, movie endings were likewise important to me. I always wanted an approving and exultant conclusion of the story. There was no particular extensive reason that could completely put in plain words why I preferred such. At the outset, probably I simply did never wish for any splotch of loneliness or sorrow that could eventually create an upsetting and poignant ambience. That can be a minimally sufficient cause I suppose for liking an on- cloud- nine-ending stories.
At least by now I have learned to attach regard to movies ending in a way that did not interest me when I was just a kid. That I got from the logic and quintessence of philosophy. Learning about philosophy and understanding philosophy itself is a whole lot of great exuberance. It became for a while a source of mixed inspiration and enjoyment for me. But I guess it is more of the former than the latter.
Most people would think that this particular course of study in college profits only the mind as if only thinking matters. They must be wrong. Only after leaving college when I realized that philosophy also profits the heart. Thus, willing is also significant. Now, I say that I am convinced.
As a child I always wanted a sweet ending story. That is from where I derive my desire to live a happy life and hope to experience a sweet closing stage of my whole existence. It is sad to say that I never had a happy childhood life. For only according to my judgment, my own genesis chronicle should I say turns out to be almost absolutely data of imperfections.
I hate loneliness. I find sorrow insufferable. I detest being alone. Misery and wretchedness I cannot stand with. Odium is the ruling flagstaff of imperfections. Boo-boo I am repulsed by.
If it were philosophy’s fundamental nature that taught me to append interest to bitter-ending stories, it was the same principle that captured my heart to recognize the value of everything I did hate. Philosophy educates me not only in thinking but more than ever in willing. I learned then to love “everything” that I hated before. Things become easy and every difficult situation seems to be painless and undemanding of effort in every breath taken when antipathy has gone into annihilation; when love and acceptance become the sole lingo of the heart.
HERCULES gives a picture of my long-standing and deep-rooted desire for happiness. FULL METAL JACKET digs deep into the dead ringer of my own frustrations. PHILOSOPHY helps me unearth the buried and long-forgotten “strength of heart” which makes an existent difference. I never thought I had a power of willing.
Another Saturday has come. But I have no plans of doing my laundry and watching a movie afterwards. There is only one thing in which my mind is confined at the moment. Actually, it was terribly bugging me since the last three days. I may sound less harebrained and nutty, but in all honesty I am exactly thinking of meeting Love. Yes! You read it right. I am just thinking of how to ask her out for a fine dinner or at least for a cone of ice cream on a less busy day for both of us. It is a bolt from the blue to have written this much while plainly seeking to mull over meeting Love: the Woman named Maria Katherine Amante Santos. Definitely, not on a Saturday.

Procrasti/11-18-04/2:24PM

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